


brave face talk so lightly, hide the truth

by choijisu



Category: ITZY (Band)
Genre: 2jin - Freeform, Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Best Friends Choi Jisu | Lia & Hwang Yeji, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Hwang Yeji-Centric, Implied Relationships, childhood au type beat idk, everyone is stuggling, help them, internal homophobia i am so sorry, jisu is stuggling, kind of, ryeji friendship!!, ryujin's in a band, short fic, yeji and jisu are childhood friends, yeji is struggling, yejisu, yuchae is def included
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:42:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25729141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/choijisu/pseuds/choijisu
Summary: Jisu. Jisu. Jisu. Jisu. Jisu. Jisu.Her name plays in Yeji's head like a broken record and sometimes she just wants to bash her head against a wall. (A different part of her confused on why she can't seem to move on from her.)To her, Jisu was her secret. And she isn't ready for her new world to know about it.or ;in which Yeji finds herself falling in love with her childhood best friend and goes against everything she's ever stood for, changing the rules as she goes by.
Relationships: Choi Jisu | Lia/Hwang Yeji, Hwang Yeji/Shin Ryujin, Jeon Heejin/Shin Ryujin, Lee Chaeryeong/Shin Yuna
Comments: 8
Kudos: 53





	1. chaeryeong

Yeji loves having a routine. It was probably one of her favourite things in her life—well, that and her friends and family. Yeji finds joy in getting things done and getting busy. She likes being in control of her day and staying on her feet. In fact, she finds life easier with one. It was like following the rules to her. Simple and easy. With a routine, she doesn't have to be confused.

Like everyone's own parents would say, Yeji was the brightest in her class, especially, having been promoted to a higher grade when she was seven. Being the youngest in a class full of nine year olds never scared her. If anything, it motivated her to reach her full potential. It was school, home, lunch, homework, nap time, dinner, sleep and repeat. Her parents were also easy on her, so she never had the pressure to become a little Einstein like the dramas she's seen her parents watch. She was quite thankful for that.

She meets Jisu halfway into the school year. Turns out, she isn't the only one who had been promoted.

Jisu was a transfer student from Canada and also the smallest girl in the entire grade. Yeji was always friendly, but for most attempts, she's scared most of the kids away. She remembers being sad about it for quite sometime but she doesn't think much about it. "There'll be other people who'd wanna be friends with me," she'd say.

One day, Yeji came in wearing pigtails. She had been so proud of her for learning it from the television, that she had convinced her mom to let her style her own hair for school that next day. Unfortunately, she had been next on the bullies' list. They'd been picking on her hair and making faces, but Jisu had stopped them and scared them off.

"Are you okay?" Jisu asks.

Yeji nods, taking off her hair ties. She also tries her best to avoid the other girl's gaze. Jisu's eyes turned to saucers. "Hey, what are you doing?"

"I'm taking it off,"

"But why?" Yeji finally looks up at her, the blue hairtie hanging onto the ends of her right pigtail.

Yeji shrugs. "It's ugly now."

The smaller girl waddles to her side before taking off the blue hair-ties completely and starts making twists with her hair.

"What are you doing?" Yeji asks, moving her head in an attempt to see what Jisu was doing.

She feels a tiny hand on the crown of her head. "Stop moving!" Jisu says, turning Yeji's head back to the front.

Yeji sits still for five minutes. For what seemed like hours to the young girl, she was getting rather impatient and was about to huff when she hears Jisu's cheerful voice.

"Okay, now look!" Jisu exclaims, handing Yeji her pocket mirror.

"Woah!" Yeji says. "Where'd you learn that? It looks pretty!"

Jisu gives her a toothy grin. "My mom styles people's hair! I watch her do it all the time,"

"Does it have a name?" Yeji asks.

Jisu thinks hard as she tries to remember the girl who had come and visited her mother's shop asking for the same braid. Yeji takes note with how Jisu taps her foot against the ground while she thinks. The other girl gasped, finally remembering. "It's a princess braid!" she exclaims. "Princess Yeji!"

Confused, Yeji cocks her head to the side. "Princess Yeji? Me?" She asks in disbelief.

"Yes! Pretty princess Yeji!" Jisu confirms.

They spend the rest of the school day sitting together and talking about fantasy worlds. Most of which were Jisu's ideas and Yeji just sat and listened.

They decide to become best friends after that and swear to protect each other.

**:･ﾟ✧** :･ﾟ✧

Yeji thinks she's being replaced when they've entered the eighth grade and Jisu comes by her locker to tell her about the girl she was partnered with for music class.

At first, Yeji didn't like the change. This was the biggest change for her and she wasn't very fond of it. The fact that she only shares homeroom with Jisu while this Chaeryeong girl had most of her classes with her—she hated it.

She tried to hate Chaeryeong, she's not going to lie. But the girl was nothing but a sweetheart and an angel.. and all good things Yeji believed in growing up. It was just so damn hard for her to dislike someone that reflected Jisu's personality so well. (Yet, here she thought Jisu was one of a kind.)

It's 7pm on a Friday night when Jisu climbs through Yeji's window and says that she wants to have a sleepover with the two of her best friends. When Chaeryeong follows closely behind, Yeji doesn't know whether to tell her to go away or welcome her with a hug.

Yeji decides to go with the second option.

Chaeryeong smells like mint and lavender. The kind that you smell when you enter a lavish hotel bathroom with candles and roses. She definitely uses grown up shampoo, Yeji thinks.

"Hey," Yeji mumbles.

"Sorry for disturbing—" Chaeryeong starts before taking a seat onto the yellow beanbag placed next to the bookshelf.

"There's no need to say sorry, Ryeong," Jisu interrupts, plopping onto Yeji's bed. "I do it all the time."

"Ryeong?" Yeji asks.

"If Chaeryeong is too long, you can call me Ryeong." The girl smiles.

"Okay."

 **:･ﾟ✧** :･ﾟ✧

The awkwardness doesn't last long because soon the girls are playing a game of hide and seek and Yeji finds herself hiding behind Chaeryeong as cover. "Don't let her see me!"

"Gotcha!" Jisu whispers from behind.

"Hey that's not fair! I didn't see you!" Yeji whines, pouting.

The other two girls laugh and soon Yeji feels her cheeks hurting. She feels good. She feels happy. Maybe Chaeryeong was a good idea. (And she was.)

"Okay, wait hold on, I need to call my sister," Chaeryeong says, sliding away from Yeji's grasp. The girl disappears out the door and down the hallway.

Yeji watches her leave, and it's not until she realizes that Jisu is lying down on her bed.

"Join me," Jisu says, patting the extra space next to her. Yeji doesn't hesitate and immediately lies next to her.

It's quiet for a few moments and all Yeji could hear was the ringing in her ears and her heart thumping from the game they played just a few minutes ago. Silence was never awkward with Jisu. But Yeji liked talking to her better. She liked it when Jisu was talkative. It was just like when they first met and the girl couldn't stop babbling about fairytales after she braided her hair and called her a princess. Yeji treasures that memory.

"I remember when we painted this," Jisu starts, staring upwards. They painted the galaxy onto the ceiling on Yeji's 14th birthday as a gift. Then they did the same to Jisu's room when she had turned 14.

_"So every night when either of us can't sleep, we can look up at the ceiling and think, "my best friend's looking at this too," to help us sleep. In that way, we can think of each other before going to bed."_

Jisu's face is really close and it doesn't really occur to Yeji until after she's turned her back against the lamp and she's facing the girl too. Yeji thinks she's hallucinating when she sees her face inching closer, and she can't help but lean in too.

The first time Yeji saw two people kiss was when Jisu had snuck in some R-rated movies to watch during their sleepover while both of their parents attended some fancy party. She and Jisu had definitely made fun of all that was going on, but she couldn't help but wonder if kissing felt just as nice as shown on TV.

She can't pinpoint why she suddenly thought of kissing at a moment like this, but she does anyway and soon, her lips are pressed against Jisu's.

They don't move for a while and Yeji's eyes are closed shut. She pulls away slowly and Yeji realizes what she's done. Quickly, she gets up and walks out of the room.

She meets Chaeryeong on the way out and the younger girl is confused when she enters the room and sees Jisu sitting upright with her knees close to her chest.

It doesn't take Chaeryeong long to put the two and two together because right after she takes a seat, Jisu breaks into tears.

**:･ﾟ✧** :･ﾟ✧

Chaeryeong finds Yeji sitting on the swing in her backyard after Jisu had fallen asleep. "Is this seat taken?" she asks.

Yeji shakes her head, allowing the girl's company.

"What was that all about?"

"It's nothing," Yeji quickly replies. Chaeryeong lifts an eyebrow as if she were to say a comment. "It's wrong." she admits.

"Nothing is wrong with liking girls," Chaeryeong says softly.

"It's not right," Yeji rebuffs. "It's a bad thing."

Chaeryeong understands where Yeji is coming from and tells her about her sister's girlfriend and how she reacted to it too.

Yeji's mouth turns dry after hearing the girl's story but she regains her composure and decides to call it a night, making it a priority to apologize to Jisu tomorrow.

However, when Yeji wakes up the next day, Jisu is gone.

**:･ﾟ✧** :･ﾟ✧

There's tension between them in school. Both girls felt it as their body language changed towards each other, and Jisu tries her best to avoid Yeji's gaze whenever she gets the chance to.

Because whatever Chaeryeong had said the other night wasn't right. She doesn't know if Jisu knows the story or not, but Yeji knows that she's wrong. It was simple as routine. Girls aren't supposed to kiss girls. There's absolutely nothing to feel guilty for.

  
  
  



	2. ryujin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! this kinda just started as it's own thing but i figured it'd be cool to turn it into a fic of some sort. thanks for reading!

Yeji's moved into a different town right after she graduated from middle school. Her dad had gotten a job offer and soon, everyone was moving boxes of their furnitures as they drove away to their new home.

She spends two years straight kicking her butt to study and pass with honors. High school was tough, which meant everyday felt like a competition. And Yeji feels like a gold fish in a sea full of sharks. It gets lonely sometimes, she's not going to deny that, but she's substituted her school textbooks and the dogs at the shelter she volunteers at as friends, so it ultimately just made sense to her. "You are an actual grandmother," Jisu would say.

She feels like the new kid again. She doesn't know what to expect other than what she's seen in movies or read in books that Jisu always pushed her to read.

Not going to school with Jisu actually makes Yeji feel relieved. She feels free almost. She doesn't have to go through sitting and listening about her complaints on boys she was currently crushing on, nor does she have to avoid her whenever they see each other in the hallways. It's not the way how things turned out differently after that night that bothers her. It's the way how Jisu reacted to what happened that night. And Yeji feels almost sick thinking about it.

But then she quickly figures out that friendships, relationships and most things in life don't last for a very long time unless you put an effort into it. She blames Jisu for not trying and getting over whatever it was that made her closed off and distant towards her. She blames Chaeryeong for getting that story in her head because it hasn't left her head since.

Whether she wants to admit it or not, the worst part about moving day was that Yeji never really got to say goodbye or make up with Jisu for whatever it is that they were both avoiding each other for. She remembers asking her parents to stop by the Choi household to see if she could say goodbye in person, but she also remembers Jisu telling her, "sure, whatever" and a passive aggressive "take care" at the end.

Yeji would be lying if she said she didn't feel her heart break.

So maybe moving away was a good idea. Moving meant starting fresh. And starting fresh meant that sometimes another change can be good.

They were best friends once and since then, Yeji realizes that growing up meant there was a lot of change being involved. However, this time, she makes up her own rules to follow and comes up with a new routine.

She meets Ryujin in the eleventh grade during an annual fun fair the school was hosting, when she loses her way around. Ryujin decides to stick around with her when they instantly click right off the bat. For the first time in two years, Yeji feels good about friendships again.

"I have a younger sister," she says, kicking a pebble from the pavement. "She's really annoying but fun."

Yeji laughs. "I have an older sister. She's great and I love her."

Ryujin stops and puts on a serious face, turning to the brown haired girl. "Okay but this next question will determine our next step,"

Yeji furrows her eyebrows. "What?"

"Do you like cats or dogs?" Ryujin stands in front of her, anticipating for her answer and Yeji thinks about lying.

"Dogs," she blurts out, but it comes out more of a question rather than an answer.

"No!" Ryujin clutches her chest as she drops to her knees, as if she's been attacked. Yeji rolls her eyes at the younger girl's dramatics.

"Shut up," she replies playfully, earning a laugh from the blue haired girl. Yeji helps her up and throws an arm around her as they walk around and talk for hours.

By the end of the night, Yeji decides she likes Ryujin's company.

  
*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

  
Her phone vibrates twice in her pocket in the middle of a history lecture and Yeji tries her best to keep it out of her teacher's sight.

  
 **8:55 am • [Unknown]:** swing by the auditorium after school if u wanna hang out w me :p

 **8:57 am • [Unknown]:** it's ryujin btw :) i got ur number from the guidance counsellor bc hyejoo wouldn't fall for my subtle efforts of bribery >:(

  
Yeji recognizes Hyejoo's name from the list of students who are a part of the student council. She also thinks it's silly for Ryujin to go this far just to get her number, but nonetheless, she texts her back and adds her to her contacts.

After school, Yeji stops by the auditorium and her ears immediately take in the faint instrumental of what sounded like an acoustic version of The 1975's Paris. Her favourite song.

She doesn't even have to squint to spot Ryujin because the blue haired girl is right in front, playing along with her guitar. The band consists of a few people whom she recognizes and shares a few classes with.

Ryujin acknowledges her by the time the song comes to an end and hurries down the stage to greet her.

"Hey, you're here!" she says, giving Yeji a hug. "I almost thought you forgot about it."

The cat eyed girl lets out a small laugh. "I didn't have any volunteering work to do later, so I figured why not."

"Okay, good!" Ryujin replies. For whatever reason it is that the blue haired girl wants, Yeji feels good about Ryujin. She's different compared to Jisu. She didn't really care much about things whereas Jisu was the opposite. Ryujin is carefree, playful and childish, and normally, she finds those qualities annoying. But it works well with Ryujin and Yeji really likes that.

Yeji reminds herself to make a list of things that separates Ryujin apart from Jisu.

She and Ryujin spends the rest of the hour talking about music and instruments. For the most part, Yeji learns how to play the keyboard again.

  
*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

  
It's December when Yeji gets into the yearbook committee as a junior photographer. For most part, she feels really happy when taking pictures for the yearbook. She enjoys seeing her batch mates smile and pose for the camera whenever she walks by. She enjoys taking pictures of the school and then catching the little details in the photos she's taken. She enjoys handling the camera and seeing things from a different perspective.

As the first half of the school year comes to an end, Yeji's last assignment is to take pictures of the school band for honorifics.

Coincidentally, Ryujin texts her to come by practice again. She then remembers texts from last night in which Ryujin tells her about her band's upcoming performance for the Christmas party, and Yeji immediately thinks of it as a great opportunity to take pictures. She makes sure to tell the other girl about it too.

When she arrives at the auditorium, she's about to walk to up Ryujin when she notices that she's talking to someone else.

Yeji watches her talk to a girl who's an inch shorter than her. She's most likely a senior, despite the height, she thinks. A part of her wants to make her presence known but her other half tells her to wait and stay put.

She feels her phone vibrate in her back pocket, a reminder that she has 5 minutes left to get to her last class of the day. Yeji feels like a creep watching the other pair talk in the distance and she feels the urge to turn away when she feels cold air swing by her and she catches a blur of a red hoodie by the corner of her eye. It doesn't register to Yeji that the girl had given her a smile until she turns around and watch her walk away.

Ryujin jogs towards Yeji. "Hey, sorry to keep you waiting," she says.

Yeji dismisses her with a hand. "What's up?" Again, her phone vibrates in her pocket. "Sorry, I'm gonna be late."

"So you know about the performance, yeah?" Ryujin starts, leading Yeji out and to her classroom. "I was thinking it'd be cool if you'd be there for moral support and take pictures, if you want."

Yeji lights up and a big smile is painted on her face. "That was what I was going to tell you! They assigned me to take a few pictures of the band for the yearbook."

"That's amazing!"

They reach Yeji's class and the ponytailed girl feels relieved when she sees that Ms. Kim hasn't arrived yet. Ryujin parts ways with her and heads off to her own classroom.

  
Yeji decides to walk home with Ryujin after school.

"Do you not have classes in between or do you just skip them?" Yeji asks, taking off her ponytail. "God, my scalp hurts."

Ryujin laughs. "I skip the ones I don't like,"

"Like earlier?" Ryujin nods.

"Chemistry with Mr. Park?" The blue haired girl asks rhetorically. "No, thanks."

Yeji looks at her. "Won't you get in trouble for it, though?"

"I get make up tests and whatnot for the things I miss anyway," Ryujin replies. "Besides, Heejin's very helpful."

Yeji's ears perk up at the name mentioned. She instantly thinks of Jisu coming by and telling her about Chaeryeong. She thinks of her friendship with Ryujin and how she feels like history is going to repeat itself. She's not religious, but she prays that nothing comes by and changes everything again. Like shit, she's been so good. She's been doing so good, having a new found friend, and well—fuck, she thinks. It's going to happen again. _Okay, Yeji, don't panic._

"Who's Heejin?" she asks, cautiously.

Ryujin's lips curve into a smile as she runs her fingers through her hair. "She's the girl I was talking to earlier. She kind of like my tutor and sometimes, she's our band's unofficial songwriter."

"Heejin.. as in Jeon Heejin?" Yeji asks, now remembering her as the girl who lent her a pencil during orientation week. This earns her a nod.

Ryujin looks down as her shoe laces slowly turn loose, preventing Yeji from seeing the blush creeping on her cheeks. "Yep, she's the one."

But Yeji isn't blind. It was clear and bright as day and she could see how the blush turned into a smile that the other girl couldn't contain. She compares this to mental notes she's taken when she witnessed the pair talked earlier to how Ryujin's body language changed just now. Yeji feels something about them, but she doesn't know what it is.

"Oh. She seems nice," Yeji manages to reply. "And pretty."

Ryujin looks up at her, searching her face for a lie. When she doesn't find it, she smiles and agrees.

  
Yeji finds out Ryujin is as talkative as Jisu. During their entire walk home, Ryujin talked and talked and talked and talked about her ideas and arrangements for the songs she was going to perform for the year end school party alongside the band. She also mentions which bands influenced her growing up and how she wants to play for the big crowds someday.

Yeji nods and listens throughout the entire thing, occasionally sharing her own chilhood stories and other anecdotes. She doesn't mention Jisu or Chaeryeong, though. She isn't ready for Ryujin to know about them just yet. She isn't ready for Ryujin to know about Jisu and how she managed to fuck up so bad that to this day whenever Yeji goes out to meet new people, she has to make lists and compare them to Jisu.

She wants to, though. But no matter how much she wants to, she can't. Because Yeji feels her chest tighten when thinking about it. She replays her and Chaeryeong talking about it in her head, overlapping it with the memory of her running away from when it happened. She feels anger, confusion and a tiny bit of regret.

 _Jisu. Jisu. Jisu. Jisu. Jisu. Jisu_. Her name plays in Yeji's head like a broken record and sometimes she just wants to bash her head against a wall. (A different part of her confused on why she can't seem to move on from her.)

To her, Jisu was her secret. And she isn't ready for her new world to know about it.

  
*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

  
Yeji feels jittery whenever Ryujin texts her. Whether it's in the middle of class or in PE whenever the blue haired girl had comments to say that would possibly get her into detention, or when it's as late at 4am.

Ryujin also seems to hug her now and then whenever they see each other after class. She didn't peg her to be an affectionate person, especially not to this extent.

She passes by the auditorium in hopes of seeing Ryujin. Maybe the girl was rubbing off on her. Because Yeji found herself picking up bits and pieces of Ryujin's habits and doings, and apparently, skipping Chemistry was one of them.

(She wouldn't feel surprised if she suddenly had the urge to learn how to play the bass one day.)

She catches sight of Ryujin's jacket on the floor and picks it up, confused as to why the girl would leave her belongings on the ground. There seems to be no one in the room until she hears shuffling of shoes coming from the dimly lit corner of the room by the stage.

She doesn't know what to feel when she squints and sees Heejin and Ryujin making out. There's nothing making her heart beat, there's no voice telling her it's wrong, there's no instinct in her feet to make her run away again—she feels nothing.

Not a bad nothing. A good kind of nothing. And she doesn't know what to do about it.

If the roles were reversed, she would've walked away and forget about it like a normal person. But for some sick twisted reason, she pictures herself in Heejin's place and in Ryujin's as Jisu, and for a second there, she revisits that night and those memories once again.

Her instincts tell her to look around in case other people sees them. She isn't compelled to stomp towards the pair and tell them it's not right for girls to kiss girls. She isn't compelled to pull her younger self on them. Instead, she just walks away.

Because maybe she had been the one who was wrong.

Yeji now understands the blush on Ryujin's face that day.

  
*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

She finally tells Ryujin about Jisu.

Oddly enough, Yeji finds herself opening the window for Ryujin when she climbs into her room a few minutes after she texts her to come over. The only other person whom she let enter through the window was Jisu and suddenly, Yeji feels nostalgic.

She tells Ryujin about her childhood and how she and Jisu came to be best friends. She tells her about the things they did as kids and how sometimes whenever she looks at Ryujin, she thinks of Jisu. But more importantly, she tells Ryujin about the kiss.

It doesn't take much for her until she starts crying. She feels hot and burning tears fall down her cheeks and stain her blanket.

Yeji admits that she's scared. For a long time, she believed that liking girls was wrong. She's had the "girls were only supposed to kiss boys" engraved on her mind for as long as she could remember. So now that she's seen it happen—seen _love_ blossoming in a different form—that day with Heejin and Ryujin, her feelings start changing too.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

She gets used to change.

She sees the way Ryujin's entire demeanor changes whenever Heejin walks by and gives her a smile. She sees the way Ryujin slightly leans closer when talking to the other girl. It takes her a while to put two and two together and figure out that the two have been having a thing for each other.

Believe it or not, she's gotten good at getting used to change. So far, Yeji's learned to deal with it.

Ryujin turns out to be a big help. After telling her about Jisu, Yeji feels safe with her. She feels light and relaxed, like she doesn't have to hide anything from her anymore. She likes that Ryujin understood her and where she was coming from.

Yeji was greeted with a weird sense of familiarity that night, like she's heard the same things from before. But it's different now that she listens this time.

Yeji doesn't think she'll be running again anytime soon. 

Heejin also starts spending time with Ryujin more and more with her feeling like the occasional third wheel. However, she does enjoy the other girl's company. She can see why Ryujin likes her so much.

Yeji feels happy for Ryujin. She feels happy for her and Heejin. She feels even happier remembering Ryujin calls her her best friend.

It's actually kind of funny how Ryujin reminds her of both Jisu and Chaeryeong. Yeji thinks that this is the universe's way of giving her a second chance.

Maybe she can set things right with this one.


	3. yuna

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here is the long awaited third chapter! a few trigger warnings r drinking (not heavy) and cursing. enjoy (:

Yeji has never done anything extreme to damage her hair. In fact, the furthest she's done was give herself this half curled-half straight look she saw on YouTube for freshman homecoming. She even remembers almost frying her hair off and ever since then, she swore not to touch it again. 

So when Ryujin suggests dyeing her hair a different color, dramatically enough, she panics and feels the urge to jump out of her room through her window and run. _Stop overreacting, it's just a makeover._ Think Tai from _Clueless_ and Dionne and Cher as Ryujin and Heejin.

"Absolutely not," she says, getting up. "I like having a healthy scalp, thank you very much." she says.

Heejin snorts at her response and soon, the girl doubles over from laughing. "Damn, she got you like that, Ryu? Priceless!"

Ryujin rolls her eyes. "C'mon," she says, taking one of the floppy sleeves of Yeji's hoodie and waves it in her face. "It won't be too much. Hell, you won't even notice the color's changed."

Yeji contemplates for a moment.

"Plus, you've been looking a little boring, lately. Sorry." The younger girl adds. Yeji glares at her.

"Fine," she agrees.

Ryujin jumps, raising her fists, clearly excited to get her hands and hair dye on the older girl's hair.

"But nothing too extreme!" Yeji adds quickly.

"Do you not trust me?" The blue haired girl asks as she puts on her best puppy-like eyes.

Heejin shoves her playfully. "Or better yet—do you trust Me?"

"If my hair looks like a birthday cake by the end of this, I'm never trusting either of you again."

Ryujin had brought in two small packages and three bottles of what seemed to be pink, blue and mint hair dye. Yeji didn't know hair coloring took so much time. Since Ryujin was so adamant about dying it, she expects the final output to look good and not so out there. But then again, "subtle" and "Ryujin" don't really mesh well together, so most of the time she's cursing under her breath.

(Also, bleach hurts her eyes.)

It's five hours later when they tell Yeji to open her eyes and she hears Ryujin say, ‘How do you feel?"

Her mouth is agape and frankly, she doesn't know whether to cry or scold Ryujin. Because holy shit, she's blonde. Blonde with pink, blue and mint streaks, to be exact.

There's a pregnant silence that lingers in the atmosphere until Yeji gets up and inspects her new look in front of the bathroom mirror. The pair follows closely behind.

"Ryu," Yeji starts. She must've looked scary because her eyes travel to where Ryujin clutches onto Heejin's sleeve. "I love it!" she exclaims.

"See, I knew you would!" Ryujin says after she let out a sigh of relief.

"And it's all thanks to me," Heejin gives the other two a shit eating grin and Ryujin replies by putting her hood over her face.

"Shut up," she says.

It's 5pm by the time the school is packed and wonderfully decorated with Christmas ornaments and a huge tree placed right in the middle of the auditorium. Yeji smiles, watching everything and everyone come together to help.

She plops onto a chair nearby to go over the list of things needed to be completed before the actual party has started and she hopes she doesn't miss anything.

Hours later, the year end party had been in full swing. There's loud music, people laughing, dancing, singing. The place feels alive and Yeji feels like the main character of a cheesy coming of age Hallmark movie.

She goes around to mingle with other people and take a few shots of the party to keep in her own photo album. She isn't relatively a shy person, but being around Ryujin has made her a bit of a social butterfly. I mean, yeah, she's kind of awfully bad at it and has driven a few people away, but Ryujin is encouraging and Heejin is always there to give her the best hugs.

Even though her palms are sweaty and the camera's nearly slipping, she manages to snap a picture of Heejin, who had just come back from her committee duties.

"Hey, Loser," Yeji calls out with a smile. "Look here!"

Heejin laughs and plays along with various poses, giving the blonde haired girl her attention.

There are only joyful faces around Yeji and she's glad she could be a part of that. When Heejin excuses herself to check on the food, Yeji goes on to continue her rounds.

It's not until she bumps into someone while going through the pictures she's taken so far, and begins to apologize profusely.

"I'm sorry—,"

"By any chance, have you seen Ryujin around?"

But the music's ringing in her ears and Yeji can only see her mouth move. She blinks, looking up at the stranger. The girl is tall and fashions jet black hair that's tied back with a yellow scrunchy.

The girl notices the look in Yeji's eyes and she's quick to offer her a smile that Yeji deems bright and genuine. "I'm Yuna!" she says loudly over the music. "Ryujin's sister!"

"I can't hear you," Yeji replies, wondering if her voice was loud enough to overpower the booming speakers. The girl then takes her hand, opening up her palm before drawing lines onto it.

Yuna draws the spelling of her name onto Yeji's palm, which the blonde girl found rather comforting, and as if on cue, the music stops.

" _Yuna_. Yuna," she repeats. Beaming, Yeji smiles back at her. "I'm Yeji." she says.

The curtains open and the students start cheering when it reveals Ryujin and the others set on their instruments, cutting ties to whatever conversation they were going to start.

Yeji gives the girl an apologetic smile before telling her she has some work to do. They agree to talk later after the performance.

The crowd loves them and Yeji has taken at least 200 photos in the past forty five minutes, most of which are Ryujin's solo shots.

"Alright, alright," Ryujin says on the mic. "Grab your boyfriends, girlfriends, maybe even your crush—this last one is for all of you."

Ryujin starts the song slowly. They're playing Taylor Swift's _Call It What You Want_ and when Yeji thinks she knows how the song is going to go, the key changes and the entire arrangement is different from how she remembers it. She loves it.

Yeji is once more taking pictures and it's click after click when she gets the perfect band shot. However, it's almost the end of the song when she brings her camera up one last time and she sees Ryujin smile lovingly, feeling the lyrics of the song as she sings and looks at the crowd.

_My baby's fly like a jet stream_

_High above the whole scene_

_Loves me like I'm brand new_

Yeji's eyes follow Ryujin's line of vision, wondering what made her look like that as she sings the last few lines of the song.

And that's when she sees Heejin returning the same look. She catches the girl mouth _"I love you"_ and Ryujin's laugh rings her ears for a second. Her eyes travel back to the stage where she sees the girl with the biggest grin.

Yeji has never heard them say those three words. It was always _"Call me when you get home"_ or _"I'm here, what do you need?"_ , not that. A smile creeps up on her lips and she wonders if that's what it's like to find love in someone so strong you're willing to say it out loud. But maybe it's the constant fight in their relationship that Yeji envies. She sees fight and determination whenever it feels like they are giving up. She sees fight in almost everything they go through.

If only she was brave enough.

Her mood completely changes when she spots Yuna sitting down against all the bodies swaying to the music. She feels compelled to walk up to her so she doesn't have to be lonely at a moment like this, and almost does until she sees that she's not in fact alone.

Yeji looks like a perplexed giraffe, stretching her neck as she tries to get a better look at the other person whose head is on Yuna's shoulders.

Her eyes turn to saucers when she finally sees it. The scene was quite unbelievable, kind of shocking really. Her head's reeling, unable to comprehend or process what was happening. Yeji looks away, then turns back to see if it was all just a hallucination. Because there was absolutely no way that was Chaeryeong. Lee Chaeryeong in the flesh, at her high school, with her head on a stranger's shoulders. A stranger whom she just met and promised to talk to after the performance. A stranger who happens to be her _best friend's_ _sister_.

Goddamn it, Yeji thinks.

She does absolutely everything to be busy and avoid Yuna. She knows the girl probably doesn't know but she figures wherever Yuna is, Chaeryeong will be there too.

I mean, yeah, she's on the road to healing and learning as Heejin may call it or whatever, but Yeji didn't actually think she'd see her past again. Hell, if she sees Jisu walk right through the door right now, she might as well pass out.

The sight of Chaeryeong being right there actually makes her sick and so she heads to the bathroom to calm down.

Even though the younger girl has done nothing, Yeji can't help but associate her with Jisu. She ponders on that for a moment, wondering if they're still friends.

She hears footsteps growing louder and Yeji's quick to move and make herself look busy.

"Excuse me, do you know where I can find Hwang Yeji?" _Fuck_.

She attempts to cover her face with her hair and for once, she's actually glad that she decided not to tie it up tonight. She clears her throat, attempting to make her voice sound different. "Uhh, she could be outside? You can ask Shin Ryujin for that."

"Oh," Yeji congratulates herself in her head for making up an excuse on the spot. "I see, thank you."

She thinks everything is clear when she hears footsteps and the bathroom door close. Pulling her hair back, she lets out a breath.

"How are you still a terrible liar after all these years?"

She makes the mistake of looking up because now, she sees Chaeryeong standing by the sink just a few meters away from her.

She's done tying her hair up and almost tries her shot at throwing a witty answer when she feels towered and engulfed in a hug.

"I missed you," Chaeryeong says, rubbing circles on her back. When Yeji doesn't answer, the girl pulls back. "I didn't know you went to school here."

"Yeah, well," Yeji starts. She wants to say something hurtful, she wants to push her buttons, and make her cry. She wants to be mean to her, but she can't. Her breathing turns heavy, ready to fire an unnecessary, petty comment.

"I-I missed you too." she ends up saying.

Chaeryeong smiles widely and Yeji feels light. She still has that same friendly smile and the same lovely eyes from before. Chaeryeong is warm and homely and just like that, Yeji allows herself to welcome her again.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

They text each other every now and then during Christmas break and had even agreed to hang out. For most of the days, she had been out with Chaeryeong; walking around parks, getting ice cream, going to arcades—she had even gone to the "Legendary Ryeong Picnic" as Yuna had told her.

It's great, actually. But Yeji feels weird having Chaeryeong back in her life. She's not exactly sure what to feel to have her around her new comfort zone, her new group of friends and her new life. Sure, she's had fun and built a bunch of wholesome new memories with her again, but that doesn't mean she's okay okay with it. Like, there's something that she's craving for more.

And Yeji always found herself wanting things she can't get.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Yeji doesn't see them both again until February. It's a month after their first term exams when the school decided to reward them with a field trip to some island and resort along with the words that went _"you deserve it after studying so hard!"_

So now here she is. On a Monday morning at 6:50 am, leaning against her locker. Yeji's busy scrolling aimlessly through her Tumblr dashboard when Ryujin laughs and almost presses a soft kiss on Heejin's neck when they’re interrupted by a loud scoff.

“I can't believe you forged my signature and dragged me out of bed for this stupid fieldtrip.”

Next to her, Heejin's eyes scan the hallway, looking for the owner of the voice. "Isn't that Chaeryeong?"

Yeji looks up to Heejin with eyes wide. "Huh?" she asks.

Before she can get an answer, she turns her head around just in time to see a familiar face heading their way. "Yeji," Chaeryeong says, bringing her into a hug. "It's good to see you again!"

Yeji blinks as she slowly returns the hug. Chaeryeong is extra bubbly and Yeji is confused. When the principal had announced that a school from another city was to accompany them on a fieldtrip to cut back costs, she wasn't expecting _this._ But it's not like she was dreading it or anything. It was just unexpected.

Meanwhile, Ryujin and Heejin have broken apart and are exchanging a few greetings with Chaeryeong.

"Can you hurry up already? I hate it here," Yeji's head immediately snaps up upon hearing the voice, familiarity coursing through her veins.

Yeji's feels like she's floating when she makes eye contact with Jisu. She looks different enough for her not to recognize her, but she does anyway because the angel pendant hanging onto the chain of her necklace is familiar. Yeji gave her that. And she still has it on.

The cat eyed girl must’ve realized she was staring because Jisu's outgrown looking back at her with a guarded expression, and Yeji can see some of her own discomfort reflected on her face.

It’s the first time they’ve been in such close proximity in over three years. Hell, it’s the first time they’ve seen each other since she moved away.

Yeji has to force herself to look everywhere except at Jisu to catch her breath, but she can’t keep herself from checking her phone screen, where she tilts it slightly at Jisu to see her reflection instead of looking at her directly. She curses under her breath when she realizes that Jisu is already looking at her.

"Hey," Jisu says, and Yeji realizes with a start that her voice is cautious, like she's already calculated all of the words that she's going to say.

Yeji nods once, forcing herself to stay calm and act like nothing’s wrong. "Hey."

"Oh, this is Lia!" Chaeryeong says, introducing Jisu to her friends. Yeji raises an eyebrow at "Lia" and wonders if it's a new nickname.

Chaeryeong is visibly excited to be here, and all Yeji could think of is Jisu. She's on the verge of breaking her head from thinking when Ryujin knocks her out of her daze. "Yeji, the buses are here."

She's successfully out of her head and has started skipping towards Yuna, who was already ahead of Ryujin and Heejin, away from the flock of students, clinging onto her wrist. The raven haired girl smiles at her before locking her hand with hers.

Yeji's doing everything she can to actively get away from Jisu. Unfortunately for her, the girl has caught up to her trail, giving her a small, shy smile. Yeji gives her a strained one, not even trying to come across as civil.

Ryujin manages to snag the back seat of the bus where all six of them would fit.

Jisu's shoulders tense a little when Yuna starts asking her about herself, and Ryujin feels like taping her mouth shut when she sees the obvious discomfort from Yeji and Jisu. "Yuna, heads up and eat this," she says, throwing a pack of gummy bears. The dark haired girl doesn't seem to mind as she accepts the snack.

Yeji knows Yuna doesn't mean any harm but she also knows how much Jisu avoids talking about herself. She doesn't like talking or confronting either. It was partly one of the other reasons why they never made up for falling out in the first place.

She hates how she still knows every little thing that Jisu does. She hates the way she memorizes Jisu.

"You do photography?" Jisu asks her, attempting to make small talk.

Yeji crumples a candy wrapper in her hand to help her calm down as she nods. Before Jisu can say anything, Yuna frowns. “Wait, you didn't know that? I thought you said you were friends?"

Yeji sucks in a sharp breath, upon realizing that Jisu has talked about her to someone else other than Chaeryeong. "Oh, yeah, but we all have our own interests that we don't talk about, right?"

Jisu shoots her a sort of thankful glance, and Yeji's heart starts pounding against her chest. She wasn’t expecting to see Jisu today. She wasn't expecting to see Jisu again at all. Jisu could've sat with anyone—Chaeryeong, Ryujin, Heejin, Yuna, literally anyone on this god forsaken bus and yet, she chose to sit with her.

Her presence is overwhelming and she's doing her best not to come off as rude and brush her off, because she doesn't want to make the same mistake as before. Yeji wasn’t ready to have this—her group of friends, her school, her safe haven—be broken into by Jisu. She was okay with Chaeryeong, but Jisu? She can't help it.

She can’t breathe.

With more force than necessary, she clutches her backpack close to her before clumsily getting up and stumbling to the empty seat in front Heejin. “Sorry—uh—excuse me. It was hot on that side." she says, hoping they bought it.

Her heart feels heavy, and the lump in her throat is almost too big to swallow. Yeji feels like crying and she rarely cries. (At least not in front of anyone). There’s still some leftover anger in her. Anger towards herself. Yeji feels like she's going to burst and that's enough to blur her sight with hot tears.

She hates how her actions that night still takes a toll on her, despite having shown improvement on moving away from it. She hates that Jisu still hangs out with Chaeryeong and she hates that Jisu is acting like nothing happened between them.

It's quiet in the bus as students seem to sleep and the only sounds that can be heard are the wheels rolling against the ground and the faint music coming from Yeji's earphones.

Yeji doesn't get why she listens to sad music while she's feeling like this. It makes her close to depressed. She also can't believe she's retrieved the playlist she made that reminded her of Jisu. She laughs quietly to herself.

"Yeji?" Yuna's voice fills her ears, her one earbud fallen out. "Are you mad at me?"

The blonde haired girl takes out her earphones altogether before looking up at Yuna, who had reached over her seat. She's only met Yuna once but she feels like she can trust her with this, maybe even more than Chaeryeong. Yuna doesn’t know Jisu that much, and she certainly doesn’t know anything about Yeji and Jisu.

Yeji pats the empty seat next to her, telling the girl to sit with her if she wants. Yuna is tall enough to have Yeji entertain the thought of the bus reaching a bumpy road and make the poor girl hit her head.

Yuna quietly wades through Ryujin and Chaeryeong's legs, careful not to wake them up before plopping next to Yeji. She catches her eyes and looks at her—really looks at her. Yeji's eyes are tired and she can see the dried tear stains on her face.

Yeji can’t really handle being looked at like that, like she’s weak and needs to be taken care of, but at the same time she still wants to be held and comforted.

So before she can stop herself, she throws her arms around Yuna's shoulders, letting a few tears slip. 

Yuna immediately wraps her arms around Yeji's back and holds her for as long as she needs, until she starts pulling back.

"Are you mad at me?" Yuna asks again, her hand still resting on Yeji's arm.

Yeji shakes her head, cupping the girl's face and tucking the loose strand of hair behind her ear. "I'm not, okay?"

"And I'm sorry if it looked like I was,"

Yuna smiles at that. She takes Yeji's hand in hers, a sign that she's welcomed to talk to her anytime. "I know I'm not my sister, but if you want to talk about it—or anything else that's bothering you—I’m here."

"Thank you," Yeji says, and for the first time, she feels like she could trust people other than Ryujin and Heejin. Letting Yuna in and having her be the other person she tells causes a small smile to linger on her face.

Yeji doesn't believe she's seen good until Ryujin and Yuna. The younger girl smiles at her with so much understanding on her face that it almost makes Yeji want to cry again.

They don't say anything after that and so, Yeji finds herself drifting off to sleep.

The hotel has a beach hut feel right from the lobby. If anything it works a little too well - the staff looking like they're on vacation too. The colours are in the palate of a beach, every hue from golden sand to the rich wood of a fishing boat. The accent colours are the sky and the sea, all of it the perfect compliment to the onshore breeze that brings a salty fragrance. Yeji feels like she could enjoy this. (She hopes she can avoid being alone with Jisu again).

She promises to no one in particular that she would be back to explore the beaches when the teachers of both schools call them to gather around for their assigned hotel rooms.

Yeji feels a wash of relief over her when she hears that she and Ryujin would be sharing a room. She’s glad she wasn’t included with the group who had to share a room with the other students from the other school. She’d hate for that to happen.

So here she was, barely unpacked as she lounged around on her bed as Ryujin took off her face mask Apparently, the other kids down the hall were having a secret party in the other area of the resort and everyone was going. Yeji knew better than to attend. Parties were Jisu’s scene, not hers. That was what she had heard from Chaeryeong and Heejin earlier. She also finally learns why she goes by “Lia” to everyone she meets now.

It’s weird, she thinks. Jisu and Lia. Two different names belonging to one person - one she knows and remembers in her head and the other a stranger.

“C’mon, Yeddeong,” Ryujin’s whiny voice rings in her ears. “I’ll be there, Heejin will be there and so will Yuna and Chaeryeong!”

“I don’t really feel like it tonight,” Yeji says, turning her back on the girl. The blonde suddenly feels a pair of hands holding her ankles, pulling and dragging her off the bed. “What the hell—,”

Yeji doesn’t bother continuing her sentence because now, she’s faced with Ryujin’s pout that she annoyingly can’t ignore or say no to, so she decides to spare herself from sitting through the blue haired girl’s aegyo and begrudgingly drags herself to the bathroom to get ready. 

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Over the roar of music, a distant, hazy chatter could be heard. Yeji couldn’t make out any words, but there’s laughter ringing in her ears and it wouldn't seem to stop. The song that was playing the moment she stepped into the area had gotten louder, pulling her in. She has to admit though, it was lively, the kind of lively that she’d tolerate, and for once, they were playing music she actually liked.

She’s about to follow Ryujin towards the snack and drinks bar when she feels a hand on her wrist, holding her back. Confusion is painted on her face when she sees a dark haired girl she’s never talked to before.

“Are you Hyunjin?” Her words are slightly slurred and Yeji immediately notes that this girl is drunk, if not, tipsy. But definitely drunk. The first person she thinks of is Kim Hyunjin from class 11B and quickly tries to string some pieces together. Luckily for her, Ryujin comes back with Heejin and shoos the drunk girl away like a pesky mosquito.

“Who was that?” Ryujin asks, handing a shot glass to her.

Yeji downs it in one go, ignoring the burning in her throat. “Dunno, she thought I was Hyunjin or something.”

Heejin quirks an eyebrow. “Kim or Hwang?”

“There’s another Hwang in our grade?” Ryujin’s face is scrunched up and Yeji realizes she’s on her third shot. 

“She didn’t specify,” Yeji replies, swiping the last two shot glasses from the table and sliding the water bottle into Ryujin’s hands. They’ve just arrived and she’s already having more than one? Yeji prays she isn’t as drunk as the last party they both attended before.

Her prayer’s short lived when she hears faint yelling over the music. Yeji’s instincts kick in and she immediately scans the beach for the source. Curiosity kills her when she spots Jisu angrily walking away from some guy whom she recognized as Mark Lee, her former classmate in the ninth grade. She wonders what’s going on between them. She’s never seen Jisu so mad. Hell, she’s never seen her react like that. So, what happened?

Her trail of vision is still following Jisu and it ends exactly when she takes a seat on a bench by the streetlight decor just a few meters away from where she was standing. Before she can think, she mutters a quick _i'll-be-right-back_ before hurrying towards the bench.

Yeji doesn’t know why she feels so compelled to comfort Jisu or ask her what happened when she was literally praying and wishing to avoid her just earlier.

She’s nervous. The thumps of her heart’s louder than the music and she can hear it ringing loudly. Her brain is constantly searching for any sign that she's alright so she doesn’t have to be awkward and just go back to Heejin and Ryujin, but it’s too late now because she’s already standing there and she’s already spoken up.

"Can we talk?" Yeji asks cautiously, approaching the other girl. Jisu feels off and there’s a pissed off tone to it. Yeji ponders on this, questioning whether she should ask about what happened or not.

"Sure," Jisu says. Her tone is nonchalant and Yeji feels like she's already made a mistake.

The blonde haired girl plops onto one of the chairs, leaving a spacious gap between her and Jisu. She pauses for a moment because she remembers how they both used to be so close and now there's another reminder that they're not.

Yeji feels her chest tighten, taking in the thought that she's so close to Jisu. She's right there yet somehow she feels like a ghost. It never really occurred to her until she found herself running away again.

She's about to speak up about what she had just seen but Jisu beats her to it. "I heard what people are saying,"

Confused, Yeji turns to look at her. "What?"

Jisu fidgets in her seat. Fingers travelling to caress the charm pendants hanging from her bracelets. She also looks around to ensure people aren't listening. "I.. uh, I heard people saying that your friends are cute."

"Oh," she simply says. "Yeah, they are." Yeji smiles slightly at the idea of telling Jisu about the idea of telling her about Ryujin and Heejin.

Jisu shakes her head. "No, I mean," her voice lowers down to a whisper and Yeji has to lean forwards to hear her properly. "Like they were a couple."

Yeji's heart stops for a moment, her eyes looking everywhere except Jisu's. She leans back to her chair and turns to the crackling bonfire in front of her, flames dancing like the molten sun.

"Yeji?" Jisu says. Yeji doesn't answer. Yeji doesn't feel like talking to Jisu anymore. She doesn't feel like telling her about the things she's learned or the things she's seen. She doesn't feel like sharing anything anymore.

But she doesn't want to leave Jisu hanging again and so hums in response.

"Are Ryujin and Heejin a couple?" Yeji takes in how Jisu's voice is laced with concern, like she refuses to think that her girl friends are dating, is possible.

"So what if they are?" Yeji questions.

Jisu blinks, like she didn't expect Yeji to answer her like that. "Oh, I just thought, you would've said something about it,"

Yeji knows what she's referring to and she's almost a little bit terrified of how she's reacting to it.

Yeji tries hard not to let her temper get to her. It was incredibly low for Jisu to bring it up, no matter how subtle, and shame her best friends for it. "What do you mean?" she asks.

Jisu scrunches her nose and looks away. "It's nothing— forget about it," she says, getting up and heading back inside.

Yeji doesn't let her and acts on impulse, grabbing the girl's wrist. "No, Jisu," she starts. "I know something's bothering you. What are you trying to reach here?"

Jisu stops dead in her tracks, flinging her wrist free from Yeji's grasp. "It's not right!" she says a little loudly as she turns around.

Yeji clenches her jaw. She should've seen that one coming. Jisu's words feels like a punch to her gut and she gives it almost everything not to curse her out.

"There's nothing wrong with girls kissing girls, Jisu," Yeji says. She hates how her voice shakes a little because now it feels like they're kids again and the roles are reversed. "It's not the most horrible thing in the world. It's normal."

Jisu scoffs. "Why are you defending them? Of all people, I thought you knew better."

"I knew better?" Baffled, Yeji crosses her arms together. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean. Girls are not supposed to kiss girls,"

Yeji's jaw clenches. She knows she's supposed to be reasonable with Jisu because they've already been through this before.

"It's wrong, Yeji." Jisu says softly, avoiding her gaze.

Yeji almost gives up and gives in to Jisu when she hears her soft voice. Her voice reminds her of honey and silk, and Yeji loved hearing her saying her name again. It feels like once upon a time.

"I.." Yeji tries to speak but nothing comes out of her mouth. It's awfully quiet enough for her to hear her heart shatter into a million pieces. For nearly two years, that night replayed back and forth in her head. For two years, she's repeated "Girls are not supposed to kiss girls" in her head. For two years, she couldn't get Jisu out of her head. And now that she's right there, standing in front of her, telling her that it's wrong.. she feels small.

She figures she deserves it, because it's one thing for her conscience to drill it into her head and repress her sexuality, but it's another thing for it to be voiced out loud by Jisu. And it hurts more than she wants to admit.

"I was wrong, Jisu. There's nothing wrong with girls liking girls, the same way there's nothing wrong with boys liking boys," Yeji looks up, taking Jisu's hand in hers, almost pleading her to stay. "I know I fucked up things before and it messed you up, but I felt it too. Nobody thinks like that anymore and I've learned so much—Jisu, it's okay. It's love."

Yeji takes a breath, feeling her hands tremble. Everything she's saying she wishes she should've known before. And maybe it was okay now because Ryujin was and is always kind enough to tell her about these things, and she wishes she could go back in time and tell Jisu she's sorry.

Yeji wishes she hadn't flickered her eyes to stare into Jisu's, because the look in her's is dirty and she feels the ghost of her hand leave hers.

"I don't care about what's right or wrong," Jisu spits out. "This is about you being brainwashed into thinking that."

"Do you even hear yourself?" she questions, slightly raising her voice. Yeji feels her blood boiling at Jisu's words, and she knows she should keep her voice down, but it's hard when she's close to seeing red.

"How dare you," Yeji takes a few steps forward, jabbing her finger into her chest with every word. She's dangerously close to Jisu's face, and whatever feelings she's had for the girl, had completely jumped out the window. "You don't get to come here and judge my friends for being in love, or judge them for being themselves. You don't get to come here and tell me what is wrong and what is right, because I know now. And I know better." Her voice drips with venom and for a moment, she catches Jisu tremble in fear.

She doesn't even get the chance to register what's going to happen next until she feels an unexpected pair of soft lips pressed harshly onto hers. It's forced and Yeji hates how she's almost willing to melt and fall back to Jisu just to kiss her like there's no tomorrow. But she doesn't and instead, pushes her away.

Yeji's breath hitches in her throat. Her face is red and she almost spills out incoherent words from her mouth. "What the hell was that for," she manages to say, her voice dripping with anger.

"Isn't that what you fucking wanted, Yeji?" Jisu says sharply. "Is that why you're being defensive? Because you like girls?"

Yeji's eyes shoot venom and everything blacks out for her in a few moments because she doesn't care anymore. She's a fool if she keeps on trying to set things right with someone she thought might understand. So instead, she squares her shoulders and looks Jisu in the eyes.

"Fuck you."

With that, she leaves Jisu stunned and heads back to her own hotel room.

  
  


Yeji is running on zero hours of sleep when Yuna excitedly picks her as her partner for sightseeing the next day. She regrets not sleeping for at least a few minutes now, because the younger girl is dragging her around and insisting for pictures to be taken.

It helps that she has a distraction though. She was hoping to ignore Chaeryeong after the bonfire fiasco from last night. Jisu was also nowhere to be seen during the attendance lineup earlier. Probably skipped to avoid me, Yeji thinks. The feeling is mutual!

"Yeji," she hears, snapping her out for her thoughts. She hadn't realized she had been staring straight ahead.

"Sorry, I didn't get the chance to sleep properly," she says sheepishly. "Had a lot on my mind."

Yuna puffs her cheeks. "I get that,"

Yeji doesn't skip a heartbeat and changes the topic to what they're going to eat for lunch. She figured the girl was going to ask what was the reason she was up all night for, and she would much rather talk about food than that. She would rather talk about anything, honestly.

It's nearly sun down when the pair hears the faint ringing of a whistle being blown, indicating that it was time to go back to the resort.

Chaeryeong is the first one back, but she's not alone. Jisu is standing next to her, arms crossed with her hair covering her face. She doesn't realize she's staring when she jumps slightly and feels a hand on her waist.

"You okay?" Yeji turns and sees Ryujin, concern painted in her eyes. She nods and tells her to go ahead. The blue haired girl flashes her a short smile before heading back to their room.

More students pile in, creating a crowd as they hike back to their own hotel rooms. She's about to leave when she sees Chaeryeong approaching her. She doesn't miss Jisu running a hand through her hair and moving along with the crowd. Yeji feels disappointed somehow.

"Hi," Chaeryeong says, walking towards her.

"Hey," Yeji says, turning her head to the side. She has the urge to to tell her "Hey, can you apologize to Jisu for me?" but she doesn't. Because that meant telling her about what happened last night. 

She feels fourteen again.

"So, um, I'm having a small get together tonight before we go back home tomorrow and I'd want you to be there,"

Yeji looks at Chaeryeong like she's crazy. She stifles a laugh, however. "Ryeong, you don't have to ask me that — of course, I'll be there."

The red haired girl's bends slightly, putting her hand on Yeji's shoulder before bringing her into a hug. "Thank god, I thought you would've said no."

"No? Why?" Yeji asks. Here's where she starts thinking deeply. It's either Jisu has told her about last night hence the party idea or that she hasn't been subtle about anything at all. (Yeji goes with the second option.)

Chaeryeong shrugs, her shoulders dropping. "Just.. It's nothing. See you later." The girl smiles before walking away and bidding Yeji goodbye.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

"Ryujin, it's not a big party,"

"Yes, but Jisu will be there." Ryujin has a shit eating grin on her face that Yeji feels like slapping away. Instead, she throws a packet of gummy bears at her.

"It's not going to happen. At most, we're just going to ignore each other." Yeji rolls her eyes the moment Jisu's name left Ryujin's mouth. Never has she ever thought that she'd come to a point where she couldn't stand the idea of Jisu being around her.

"What even happened last night?" Ryujin asks, throwing the wrapper back at Yeji, which she pockets, avoiding being fined for leaving trash behind. "You seemed in a hurry to talk to her and now you don't want to be around her."

"I'm not avoiding her," Yeji says firmly. Ryujin shoots her hands up in defense. "I just don't want any one of you forcing me to talk."

Yeji doesn't want to hear any more of it and so knocks on the door. When Chaeryeong opens up, she can't help but lean in slightly to take a look and see if Jisu was there. She doesn't even notice Ryujin walk past her until she sees a blur of pink jump in her arms.

"Yeji!" Yuna says, excitedly hugging her. Yeji takes a moment to breathe before returning the hug and following the raven haired girl back inside.

Jisu is nowhere to be seen and it's as if on cue that Chaeryeong walks by her and offers her a sad smile that says _"I'm sorry but I really tried to get her to come"_ but Yeji is more than grateful that she isn't there.

It hasn't been an hour into the night when Heejin and Yuna decide to make a little dance floor in the middle of the room by moving the couches to the side, and Yeji is absolutely shit faced.

She didn't even think she was capable of that. Hell, most of the time, she has to swap and mix Ryujin's drinks with tea or water at parties. She's basically the designated driver.

Her mind and vision is hazy for a moment, and she thinks — _Holy shit, pause. This is so fucking cool._ I guess it was fun feeling something else for a change other than being messy and broken.

She ends up slipping out of the room and into the hallway where it's cold and quiet. By now, her feet are dragging her to wherever. She notes that her drunken state clearly doesn't want her to stay inside and party with the others.

Yeji isn't sure of how she ends up at the beach. She's sure she looks weird and strange at anyone who finds her right now because she's just walking. Walking towards the water, to be exact.

"Fucking," She mumbles. "Can't even—," She's mumbling a bunch of incoherent words at this point and even though she's trying to understand herself, she can't. She's drunk as hell.

Yeji feels her dress stick to her ankles as the water swayed to and fro around her. Funnily, though, she also finds herself swaying along all while thinking of what to say.

"Fuck you, Choi Jisu," she manages to say. "Fuck you, Jisu!" she starts shouting and she's glad no one is around to hear her.

Her hands are balled into fists and she feels like punching someone or something — anything she can get her hands on. Yeji feels angry. She _is_ angry. So she starts shouting a string of curses along with Jisu's name.

_Jisu. Jisu. Jisu. Jisu._

She's tired. She's really fucking tired. She's been bottling up a lot of things for the longest time and it felt really good to let them all out. "Bitch," Yeji says finally. She's done. She's done with everything and everyone.

She's done with Jisu.

"Yeji!" The blonde girl turns to the person calling her name and inevitably fails and plops down onto the water instead.

"Oh, _heyyy_ , Yuna," Yeji slurs as she reaches towards the younger girl with open arms.

"Yeji, we need to get back," Yuna's helping her back to shore, finding it incredibly hard to do so when Yeji keeps pulling away and going back to the place she was standing.

"No," Yeji whines. "I want to stay here."

"You're standing in water, dripping wet. We need to get you dried and clean u—,"

Yeji's not thinking straight and her chest feels tight. She is almost just as tall as Yuna and just as always, she acts without a thought and goes for it.

Yeji closes her eyes, stepping forward and presses her lips against Yuna's. She feels the dark haired girl gasp into her mouth, and for a moment nothing happens. Her lips are soft and sweet, and Yeji is trying not to cry.

“Yeji,” Yuna says, pulling away. She cups Yeji's face in her hands as she stares in her eyes.

Yeji breaks into tears after gazing back at Yuna and falling forwards to hug her. Yuna is soft. She's so, so soft and Yeji can't handle that. She can't handle anything right now.

"I'm sorry, I kissed you," she mumbles. "I shouldn't have done that."

Yuna pulls away, taking Yeji's hand in hers as they turn back to shore. "It's okay, don't worry about it."

Yeji swallows. She can still feel the ghost of Yuna's lips on her own and she hates herself for thinking it's Jisu.

"Let's go back." Yuna whispers as she brushes her fingers through the girl's hair.

Yeji doesn't think she's ever seen calm until Yuna. 

She notices that Yuna takes her time. She's patient and it's nice to her. Yeji notices that she likes taking time with things. To her, Yuna feels like a long, cold walk from home where you eventually remember that you have a nice cup of hot chocolate waiting for you when you get back, which makes it worth it.

Yeji begins to take her time again.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
